so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
