I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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