sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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