She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
