He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
