I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
