i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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