I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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