Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
