My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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