brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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