Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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