she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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