This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
