i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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