no, he came in my armpit
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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