I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
