Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
