is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i believe in u and ur pee
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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