Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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