Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
