well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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