if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
