bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
