Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
