my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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