I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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