He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
