Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
cat food counts as protein by the way
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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