Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize