You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
