After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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