I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize