You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Boobs are out for the taking
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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