im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
