Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize