Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
