she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My dick has a subreddit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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