Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
