did you get engaged???
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
