It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
