Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
