i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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