ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
