apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
