You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
