I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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