just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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