Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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