Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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