Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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