Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
