considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
