she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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