His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh god it's open bar.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
