she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
