I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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