I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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