like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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