you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
