Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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