Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
