Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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