we're chasing vodka with high fives
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
